crippled_witch: (Default)
 its been ages, far too ages, and things have been good, but i haven't been rigorous enough in my self care so now i am having a meltdown...

and i forget to listen to the other girl, the other actual legitimate voice, and when i do that, all the other voices come and fuck my shit up

stop eating stop sleeping bad girl whore bleed

and i keep dreaming, dreaming, dreaming of Mark

and I thought today, what if he dies? Will I cease to exist? Because all i ever was was something to make him feel good, he invented me
crippled_witch: (Default)
 My friend Claire, who I met through a pagan coffee morning and who is just generally awesome, has just recently trained to be a yoga teacher and shes using me and a couple of other people as guinea pigs because she wan'ts to run classes for people with Fibro/CFS and people with mobility issues. She's rented a room for sessions in the local library (which is new and truly awesome). yesterday was my first session and I really really enjoyed it.
 
People are known to randomly tell me that I should really do yoga because it would really help (even when they don't know what is wrong with me) and just don't get it or don't even seem to hear me when I say "I can't stand up, i have balance issues, I'm uncoordinated as fuck, my joints overextend." Like Yoga is a MAGIC CURE for everything. I've always been interested in Yoga and Suzie and I tried to do it at uni before my legs gave up on me, but I was still terrible for all the other reasons and the guy teaching it freaked me the fuck out so I gave up

But Claire knows what my physical stuff is and is tailoring yoga moves to stuff I can do in my wheelchair or on the floor so standing up isn't an issue, She is also willing to take time so I can work out what bit of my body goes where. (My dyspraxia means I am not always sure where bits of my body are in relation to other bits of my body) She taught  forward stretches which apparently are really good for anxiety and backward stretches that are apparently really good for mood lifting so I will definitely keep them in my tool box

She wants me to keep notes so she can work out what worked and what didn't whether the sessions are too long, what else might be needed

I kind of felt crappy yesterday morning but I forced myself out the door and I'm really glad I did, My back hurt, I was generally achy and I was kind of foggy before the session, but It really helped clear my head and relax me, and help me feel where my body was in space. When i got home my back hurt more but that went away by late evening. Today my body was really tired, I slept till three and I was achy but not in a bad way? in a way you feel after exercise? The front and side of my thighs were the most achy, my calves a bit achy. Occasional twinge in the small of my back but I think that was from pre yoga stuff.

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