Hello people!

Jul. 28th, 2017 10:12 am[personal profile] mybeautifulwars posting in [community profile] addme
mybeautifulwars: (so mystical)

AGE GROUP / GENDER: Early 40s & F

COUNTRY: USA

LIKES: Creating. Daydreaming. Paddle boarding. Vegetables. Goats. Horses. Chickens. Music.

DISLIKES: Politics. Religion. Hate.

MY STORY: I'm an artist. A creator. A starry-eyed optimistic. I'm an introvert, a smart ass, and I say fuck a lot. (Don't worry, it offends me too) I live on a very old farm with my husband. I have muddy boots, painted fingernails, my own business, and a large collection of bungee cords. My writing style fluctuates greatly with my moods. I reserve the right to not make any sense at any given time as well as the right to make you think that six totally different people are writing in this journal. I even entertain myself in that aspect. Just go with it.

Sometimes I write well thought out entries. Sometimes I just type shit and hit post. It is what it is. LiveJournaler since 2003, imported here 2017.

I'M INSPIRED BY: Color. Nature. Compassion.

LIFE GOALS: Avoid growing up. Stop running with scissors. Get taxes done early. Don't go grocery shopping when hungry.

RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME: I can say the alphabet faster backwards than I can forwards. I can't whistle. I love bananas.
fallon_sousa: (Default)
Name: Fallon Sousa
Age: 21
Country: USA
Subscription/Access Policy: Whatever goes/whatever you feel comfortable with, but please no under 18's.

 Interests:
The X-Files, cats, coffee, aliens, life.

I like to post about: Mulder and Scully and how they are the OTP, occasional personal stuff. I love my cats and if I can figure out how to add a picture, maybe I will. I drink a lot of coffee and I complain about that.

About Me/Other Info: If you Google my name, you will see I have written erotica not related to fandom, penned a movie script, and graduated from HS (lol) I'm queer in some way, still figuring out the specifics, and I'm a liberal. No trumpsters, sexists/racists/homophobes please. As long as you are a nice person I'll be nice back. :) I'm also mentally and chronically ill, so you might see stuff about that but not too much.

(no subject)

Jul. 23rd, 2017 05:14 pm[personal profile] skimmed_miilk posting in [community profile] addme
skimmed_miilk: (love bomb)

I'm a 33 year old Scottish woman, trying to get my journal groove back. I'm a mum of three boys from teen to newborn, and work in healthcare but (thankfully) I'm on maternity leave just now. I mainly write about daily life, the struggles and highlights of attempting to adult and parent and be healthy as a highly strung, stressed over-thinker who doesn't like herself most of the time.  

Wow, I sound fun.  Should I mention that there will be wine, gin and chocolate?

I was obsessed with my Livejournal back in the day - I started it back in 2003 and even though I've only dipped in and out of it in recent years, writing is still very much how I make sense of my life and my mind. That's why I'm trying to reignite that obsession I once had...though it's difficult with increasing grown up responsibilities and shrinking time of my own to put pen to paper fingers to keyboard.  But I know I need the chance to record snatches of life as it flies past, and an outlet for when my mental health takes a dive. 

I swear and I like to write no-holds-barred.  I'm very liberal and support choice - be that choice of who you love, choice over your reproductive options, or just the freedom to chose what you're going to watch on telly tonight. I'm doing my Masters in weight management so I try to live healthily through fitness (like dancing and weight training, albeit on a very beginner level) and healthy eating, but more often than not find myself alone amongst the crumbs at the bottom of a packet of biscuits. I'm book obsessed (mainly literary fiction and never fantasy, chick-lit, or much sci-fi), love a good tv series (Mr Robot, Stranger Things, The Handmaid's Tale, OITNB, Top of the Lake and Homeland have been recent highlights), and sometimes I even get out to see friends.  Some or none of this may come out in my writing.

Along with a lack of time, I guess part of why I've lost touch with my journal has been my shrinking friends list.  It's hard to make time to update when it feels increasingly like you're just shouting into a void. So I'd love it if anyone out there who is in a similar place in life or who is into similar things would like to take a punt on my journal.  I wont promise a very active journal but I am going to try, and I'm also going to try and be a good friend in return.

It's a good job I've been with my husband for ten years, because I'd suck at filling out a dating profile.  Feel free to swipe left (or is it right...? I'm not on Tinder).
ofmonstrouswords: (thg: haymitch coffee)
Serious content warning for this post. I talk about childhood abuse, trauma, suicide, and sexual assault.

There’s a video making the rounds on social media. I haven’t watched it. I don’t want to watch it. But I’ve seen the comments and I know, basically, what it’s about: a child having a tantrum on a train.

Comments have ranged from “this kid is probably autistic” to “this kid needs to be disciplined” and it strikes me this is just yet another way for people without kids to judge parents for not doing a good enough job; or people with kids to feel superior because THEIR child never had a meltdown on the subway.

It also strikes me how very lucky I am to have been born in 1986 and become a teenager in the 90s. Because I grew up without ubiquitous cellphone video cameras and the ability to post video of strangers online. I grew up without the danger that my one bad day would have meant worldwide shaming of my mother, and custody being ripped away from her.

Before we moved to Hawai’i my summers were split between my parents. (After moving there, I spent them with my bio-sire, for what was called “access” because he required access to his child and I was supposed to have access to my tormentors.)

After the first half of the summer being spent with my bio-sire and his new girlfriend, a woman we dubbed Wife #5 (he’s on #7 now), and her band of ill-mannered, horrific monsters of children, I got to spend time with my mom. This particular summer we went to Hawai’i to visit with people, including my new friend who became my best friend and still is (she was my maid of honor at my wedding).

I’m not really sure why she stuck with me for so many years, because that was the second year we knew each other and it was the summer I went insane.

I was a monster. I screamed and cried and kicked. I lashed out at everyone, including my best friend. I threw tantrums on a regular basis. I said cruel, hurtful things. I tried to kill myself. I wielded sharp weapons and was a danger to myself and others.

No one knew what was going on. My mother was at a complete loss, trying to manage a child who had never acted out on this scale before. She was inches from putting me into an institution, and had the threat of my bio-sire taking custody not loomed, she may have done so.

And I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t tell anyone, because I didn’t have words for it and I blamed myself.

What was happening was a culmination of years of abuse and trauma. I had been suffering abuse from my bio-sire since I was 2 years old, and now he had a new family who liked to join in on the fun. I was accused of stealing money from my stepmom, had my belongings stolen from me by my stepsister and then blamed when I tried to get them back from her, called names, threatened, punished when I complained of headaches or coughing because my stepmom liked to smoke cigarettes below my room.

I remember being told by my stepmom that everything was my mom’s fault — yes, even the fact that she and my dad weren’t fucking anymore, which is completely appropriate to say to a kid, right? — and that she was my new mom now and I had to get used to it.

I remember being loathed so completely by my stepmom and step-siblings that I would have done anything to be accepted and loved. Anything.

So I was very easy to coerce.

My stepbrother may have only been 6 months older than me, but he was fully cognizant of what was going on. He’d convinced me the only way I could be accepted by the family was if I did what he asked. I didn’t want to, but I wanted to be accepted.

Of course, I never was. And I blamed myself for what happened for another 10 years. It wasn’t until I confessed, crying, to my first boyfriend about what a dirty, shameful slut I was for having had sex at age 10, telling him the whole story, that he held me and said: Babe. You were raped. That was rape.

It was rape, and it was the cherry on top of the shit sundae of trauma and abuse ladled out to me by my bio-sire and his new wife and her children.

And I couldn’t tell anyone. All I could do was go insane.

If this had been now, if I’d been acting out that way in the modern era, some asshole would film it and put it online so people could shame my mom. She’d lose custody of me and I’d have to live with my bio-sire, where my stepbrother would be free to rape me as many times as he wanted. And in the end, I’d take my own life.

There are so many times I wish I’d told my mom when it happened. If I had, that would have been it: she would have been able to get sole, full custody of me and prevent my bio-sire from ever seeing me again. I would have had a better adolescence. I would have started healing sooner. I wouldn’t have had to spend the night with then ex-Wife #5 in my teens because of a missed ferry connection, and weathered the look her older son gave me as I stood in their kitchen, the look that made me feel dirty, and ashamed, and like I wanted to jump into the Salish Sea and drown.

I have searched for years for ways to cleanse myself of the shame, and the anger and the hatred. Ways for me to process the trauma — not just that rape, but all the other compounded trauma that came after it, including another rape. I have done so much, but it is still not enough, and sometimes I feel like that ten-year-old: ready to scream and break down in public, ready to fling myself off a building, ready to kill anyone who gets close to me.

I’ve thought for a while that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I’ve been close to committing myself a few times in the past year, which might be the right move seeing as I requested a psych consult over a year ago and BC’s medical establishment moves as fast as a glacier when it comes to mental health. I want a diagnosis. Because what I think I have doesn’t help me get help. It won’t help me get better meds than what I have.

Recently, I heard that Borderline Personality Disorder can look the same as C-PTSD. C-PTSD, or Complex-PTSD, is what happens when someone suffers trauma over and over for a long period of time.

I already know I have PTSD; now I’m pretty sure I have C-PTSD. Because I suffered trauma for years on end from my bio-sire and my stepfamilies, then later from partners, people who were supposed to love me but only hurt me.

One of them, I still can’t speak his name without freaking out.

Another, this year I celebrated it having been 7 years since he touched me. I have grown into a body he never knew.

And I had C-PTSD when I was 10, because that was after 8 years of hell.

Last night, instead of sleeping, my brain decided to replay the abuse over and over again. Over and over again, I remembered the rape. It’s been over two decades, and I still cannot shake this trauma.

Maybe that kid in the video just needs discipline. Or maybe they’re fighting a battle we know nothing about. Maybe the last thing that parent needs is strangers judging them. Maybe what they need is compassion, and understanding, and patience.

Maybe we don’t know the first fucking thing about other people’s lives. Maybe we should consider that before we whip out the cell phone and start filming.

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(no subject)

Jul. 17th, 2017 12:25 pm[personal profile] justslayan posting in [community profile] addme
justslayan: (Default)
Location: US
Timezone: EST
Languages: English

Describe yourself in five sentences or less: I'm extremely new to DW but I have been roleplaying for years. This is awkward because I really don't like to talk about myself. I much prefer to immerse myself in whatever I'm writing and keep things mostly IC unless we need to plot. Bandom/celeb RP is my jam and often played Travis McCoy on Livejournal, as well as William Beckett and Justin Bieber. Check out my journal for more info.

Top 5 Fandoms:
2006 Bandom RP Era Music (if that counts as a fandom and yikes that sounds old)
Anime
Harry Potter
True Blood
Tie between Pokemon and Final Fantasy X


I mostly post about: Until I get comfortable here, I may not post about much. I am so used to only using journals IC that I often forget that I can have one for myself.

I rarely post about: Eh I'm an open book once you get to know me OOC. I just prefer to keep posts IC.

My last three posts were about: RP, reconnecting with long lost writing partners, and storylines for my Travie McCoy muse.

How often do you post?: In my personal journal? As needed. If I join a RP community, probably weekly.

How about commenting?: I love commenting and interacting, for sure.

(no subject)

Jul. 17th, 2017 10:44 am[personal profile] decemberthirty posting in [community profile] addme
decemberthirty: (Default)
Hello! Like many people, I'm a longtime Livejournaler who's working on making the switch over to Dreamwidth. But I've had my journal there since 2001--that's pretty much my entire adult life! Change is hard! In order to help me shift my focus over here instead of over there, I'd like to see if I can establish a more active group of DW-friends. Let me tell you a little bit about myself and my journal.

About me:
My name is Katie, I'm 38, I'm queer, and I'm female. I'm a writer and writing tutor by profession (I write fiction and book reviews; I tutor high school students and beginning creative writers). I grew up in the Hudson Valley in New York State, and currently live in Philadelphia. I live in a very old house with my girlfriend of eighteen years and our two cats. I love to read (favorite writers include E.M. Forster, Marilynne Robinson, Virginia Woolf, Pat Barker, Ursula K. Le Guin, George Saunders, etc). I also like cooking, baking, canning, and food preservation of all kinds; hiking and bird watching; gardening; swimming; watching baseball.... I'm a rather typical introvert and lead a fairly quiet life. I drink entirely too much tea.

About my journal:
I began my LJ as a reading journal, and still often post informal book reviews and thoughts on whatever I happen to be reading at the moment. In addition to writing about books, I often post about food and the projects I undertake in the kitchen. Sometimes I use my journal to track goals. Sometimes I write about the things that are going on in my life. Rarely (very rarely) I share my writing. Sometimes I post about art, or the creative process, or a quotation that caught my attention. I tend to post about once or twice a week. There are often photos. I keep my journal friends-only, but if any of this sounds interesting to you I will be happy to add you so you can check it out. No harm done if it turns out to not be your style after all!

What I'm Looking For:
Like I said, I'm transitioning from using LJ as my main online home, and am looking for a more active friends list here on DW. I like genuine connections and interesting conversations. I'd love to meet people who share my interests, especially fellow book-nerds who want to geek out about literature with me. Outdoorsy folks, creative folks, thinkers, makers, teachers, learners.... I can't promise to be the world's greatest commenter and I don't expect you to be either, but I would like to talk to each other at least occasionally.

Say hello! Let's get to know each other!

New Dreamwidth Friends?

Jul. 15th, 2017 05:58 pm[personal profile] bonesofbirdwings posting in [community profile] addme
bonesofbirdwings: Cute bunny with text: "Sometimes I think about murder" (Default)
  Name: Bones
Age: 21 (almost 22)
Location: Boston, MA
Gender: Female
Languages: English and a little Spanish

Describe yourself in five sentences or less: I'm fairly new here, but not new to fandom. I write fanfiction and I fandom-hop without rhyme or reason. I'm currently in a lot of small fandoms, and I love to add more, so feel free to try to get me obsessed with your favorite fandom. IRL, I'm a sleep scientist who doesn't sleep enough. I talk about my girlfriend a lot.

Top 5 Fandoms: 
I'm going to cheat, but in my defense, I am in so many fandoms...
Small video game fandoms (Oxenfree, Stardew Valley, and Primordia)
Boku No Hero Academia
The Goblin Emperor
Harry Potter (always... never hop away from this one)
Haikyuu!!


I mostly post about: Fanfiction, logic puzzles, fandom things. I'll probably start posting about my life at some point, but those won't be public

I rarely post about: politics, specifics about my work.

My last three posts were about: A logic puzzle and some fanfiction exchange/challenge stuff.

How often do you post?: Not much right now - I'm new here. But I imagine I'll be posting at least once every week, if not more.

How about commenting?: I'm good about commenting when I'm feeling social, but sometimes I don't have the energy. I like making friends and being friendly though, so I try. 

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